I had been promoted because I was good at my job. But as my team grew, I struggled to hand off responsibilities I had owned.

Before I knew I was AuDHD, I didn’t know how to process that transition. If my responsibility was now to hand those things off, what was I supposed to do?

I remember sitting with my boss and saying, “I don’t really understand what my job is as a manager.”

My boss took it in a philosophical direction: “Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” But that wasn’t what I was looking for. I literally wanted to understand my job.

What is your job as a manager?

To really oversimplify it, a manager’s role is to take care of their team, make sure they’re meeting the objectives they’re responsible for, and help the team get its projects done.

That means making sure people have the resources they need and removing barriers so they can do their jobs effectively—without you getting in the way.

It took me longer than I thought it should to understand that. These are some of the things I learned through that conversation, mentorship, and more than 12 years of corporate leadership experience, including my time as a VP.

Connect your team’s work to the company’s goals

When an organization sets its goals, each department needs to figure out how its work will contribute.

The manager’s responsibility is to develop team or department goals that contribute upward. In conversations with your direct reports, you’re establishing priorities, projects, and the scope of work around those goals.

If work isn’t aligned, you need to ask: Can we make it part of those goals? If it isn’t moving the company forward, why are we doing it?

There are also things that have to be done every day to keep the business going. We have to factor those things in alongside the more aspirational goals.

Let go of being the expert in the room

My special interests had pushed me to create new things, develop a vision, and grow my team. Handing that work off was a hard transition.

I also had to recognize that I might not always have the answer.

Because of my special interests and monotropism, I wanted to learn everything there was to know. I wanted to be the expert.

That knowledge helped me communicate with senior managers, other departments, and my team. But I also had to know when to step back and let my team do their work.

My job became understanding the different roles well enough to advocate for people, get resources, and help remove barriers.

Understand your team’s workload before saying yes

If you’re taking on more work and adding it to your team’s workflow when they’re already struggling, you need to ask:

If we’re saying yes to this, what are we saying no to?

How are we going to reprioritize?

That’s why regular weekly check-ins became such an important part of my job. I needed to know what people were doing so I could advocate for the team and explain what was happening to other managers.

There’s a difference between knowing the status of the work and getting so involved that you take it over.

It also matters that a manager recognizes when the team is at capacity or moving past overwhelm. That means helping redistribute work or manage priorities without burning the team out.

Listen to feedback and help your team grow

A good leader listens to the team and asks what’s working and what isn’t.

When someone says a system isn’t working, can you receive that without getting defensive? Can you adjust it and find a better way?

Being open to feedback is part of being a good manager, even when the feedback isn’t great. In my discussion of leadership with autism and ADHD, I also talk about emotional regulation, emotional flooding, and rejection sensitivity. Managing my way through those experiences matters, too.

Leadership also means recognizing when an employee is shining and helping them grow. I needed to celebrate that person and find opportunities for them, rather than protecting my department because they were good at their job and I didn’t want to let them go.

Communicate clearly and know when to step back

Part of my job was having candid conversations with my boss about what was working and what wasn’t. Another part was being transparent with my team.

What was happening at the company? What was happening in other departments? What did people need to know to be effective in their jobs?

Clear communication helps develop trust so people feel heard and understood.

I had to recognize when I was getting in the way as a manager and when I was helping my team get their jobs done.Ultimately, it’s about trusting the adults on your team to do what they do best.

If you’re an ADHD, AuDHD, or late-diagnosed autistic professional looking for support as a manager or employee, learn more about my workplace coaching.

What do you wish someone had explained before you became a manager?