How to Find Neurodivergent-Affirming Care: 5 Questions to Ask Your Doctor (Autism & ADHD)
Finding neurodivergent-affirming care—especially when you’re seeking therapy or a diagnosis—can feel overwhelming. These five questions will become your secret weapon for identifying healthcare providers who actually get it.
Why This Matters
It can feel daunting to seek a new medical professional. We want someone who:
- takes a strengths-based approach
- builds a true partnership with us
- understands our neurodivergent experience
- doesn’t try to “fix” us
- helps us feel heard and understood
Especially when you’re early in your journey, it’s essential to work with someone who will inform, support, and respect you—not speak down to you.
I’ve walked away from medical professionals who weren’t neurodivergent-affirming. They may have been kind and well-intentioned, but if they didn’t understand neurodivergence, they weren’t a good fit. Walking away is hard, but finding someone who is affirming makes all the difference.
Look for Modern Knowledge
It’s critically important that a provider:
- has reviewed current research
- is aware of modern writing about autism, ADHD, and AuDHD
- understands adult neurodivergent experiences
- knows resources like Embrace Autism and Neurodivergent Insights
If someone says autism or ADHD is a “trend,” that’s a yellow or red flag. It’s not a trend—if anything, adults are underdiagnosed.
What “Pathologizing” Means
To pathologize is to view someone as medically or psychologically abnormal.
When neurodivergence is pathologized, the focus becomes “what’s wrong with you,” instead of understanding autism or ADHD as a different but valid way of being. Pathologizing leads to invalidation, stigma, and poor care.
Enter These Conversations With Curiosity
You want to approach these conversations with openness, not defensiveness—while still paying attention to how the exchange feels.
I’ve had therapists where I realized I was educating them more than they were helping me. When you become the teacher, it’s usually a sign the fit isn’t right.
The Five Questions That Tell You Everything
These open, clear, direct questions reveal whether a medical professional is truly neuro-affirming.
1. How do you accommodate or support autistic and ADHD patients in your practice?
2. What’s your experience working with autistic and/or ADHD adults?
3. How do you learn about and keep up with neurodivergent perspectives and needs—especially around sensory preferences or communication?
Communication is huge.
For example:
I rely on a patient portal that pushes notifications. Once, a doctor promised to schedule my yearly physical automatically because I’d forget otherwise—and then they didn’t. Two years passed without one.
At another point, a medication update sat for months in a portal with no notification. These breakdowns matter—communication determines whether we get care at all.
4. What’s your approach to neurodiversity? Do you view it as a difference rather than a deficit?
You can shorten this to:
“What’s your approach to neurodiversity?”
Their answer will tell you everything you need to know.
5. Can you share an example of how you’ve adjusted your approach based on a patient’s neurodivergent profile or needs?
This reveals whether they see neurodivergence as something to partner with—not fix.
Yellow Flags and Red Flags
Yellow Flag:
Complaining that autism or ADHD is “overdiagnosed.”
Red Flag:
Not understanding why an adult needs a diagnosis or dismissing your needs because “you make eye contact.”
My comments are full of stories from people turned away simply because they can make eye contact.
What You’re Looking For
A neurodivergent-affirming provider is:
- curious
- collaborative
- informed
- aware of sensory and communication differences
- up-to-date on research
- respectful of lived experience
You want someone who doesn’t make you work harder to receive care.