My Journey of Coming Out and Unmasking
For me, coming out as queer was more than claiming one part of my identity. It became the beginning of unmasking my autism and ADHD.
I grew up in a high-control religious environment where rigid rules shaped every part of life. From an early age, I learned to hide parts of myself — my queerness, my joy, my special interests. Without realizing it, I was building my first masking strategies.
Learning to Mask
Masking wasn’t always conscious. I often describe it as “regeneration,” like Doctor Who — shifting into whatever role people expected of me. In school, in journalism, and even in early workplaces, I suppressed my differences to fit in.
But friendships, especially in college and later in more supportive workplaces, helped me unmask. I started questioning the rules I had been raised with. Why did it have to be this way? What did I really care about? Those questions brought me closer to my true identity.
The Fear of Authenticity
Coming out in my 30’s was terrifying. I worried about losing relationships, about being rejected. But each step toward authenticity gave me strength. Slowly, I realized I could bring my full self into my life and into my work.
Unmasking at Work
In leadership roles, I saw how unmasking created safety for others too. By sharing my queer and autistic identity, I helped foster environments where neurodivergent professionals could feel seen.
Unmasking, however, isn’t all-or-nothing. It takes energy. Sometimes I still choose to mask to protect myself. Other times, I unmask more fully when I know it will create space for others.
Self-Compassion and Forgiveness
One of the hardest lessons has been forgiving my past masked self. That person was scared, surviving under rigid rules, without the tools or language to understand. Learning self-compassion has been as important as learning to unmask.
Final Thoughts
Unmasking is an ongoing process. It’s not always safe, and it’s not always easy. But it has made me happier, safer, and more authentic. Coming out was just the first step — and it opened the door to self-acceptance in every part of my life.