Grieving Job Loss
When I lost my job, there’s been a part of me that feels like I disappeared too — mostly because too much of my identity, friendships, and community were tied to my work.
It’s been four weeks since I was laid off. And as much as I’d love to say I’ve been “productive” during this transition, the truth is that I’ve spent the time grieving. Grieving the loss of my community, my team, my identity as a leader — and the version of myself that existed in that structure.
I’ve known (and been warned) that too much of my identity was overly tied up in my work life. For the last three years, I had been working on untangling that connection — out of anxiety for the exact moment I now find myself in.
This is a neurodivergent trap I’ve always found myself in. I would define myself by the work I did and the people I worked with. In previous roles, when I would self-exit, I would prepare myself for the transition of those relationships. Having my position eliminated left a gap I’ve been struggling to fill.
When Work Becomes Identity
My work has always been my hyperfocus — my special interest. I don’t know any other way with my AuDHD. So much so that when I’m at a work-related event outside normal working hours, I don’t know what to do with myself or how to act without the script of work.
Which is a shame, because the people I work with are funny, kind, and brilliant. Luckily, in recent years I’ve learned to build those relationships as friendships outside of the workplace.
As a senior manager, I took my role seriously. I advocated for my team, fought for psychological safety, and believed leadership meant transparency and trust. I often compared it to being an elected official — chosen to serve and help build others up.
But when that role disappears — even if it’s through no fault of your own — it’s disorienting. Suddenly you’re no longer “the boss.” You’re just… you.
And with my autism and ADHD, that’s been especially hard because work isn’t just work — it’s structure, routine, and purpose. It’s where I channel my hyperfocus and find meaning. With it gone, things have felt untethered.
Burnout and the Recovery No One Talks About
I talk a lot about burnout on my channel, but this time it’s different. This isn’t just autistic or ADHD burnout — it’s traditional work burnout layered with grief, exhaustion, and identity loss.
I’ve been surprised by how much energy it takes to rest. My brain keeps wanting to “fix” things or create new systems, but I’m realizing I can’t rebuild while I’m still in recovery.
At the same time, it has felt so good to stop performing, to stop masking, to stop running scripts and strategic analysis in my head for every conversation.
Resting is hard for my ADHD. But it’s necessary.
Losing Community, Finding Self
One of the other hardest parts of this process has been the loss of community — especially my LGBTQ+ employee resource group.
That was a space where I could show up fully as myself: queer, neurodivergent, and unmasked. Losing that daily connection has been another layer in the grief work.
🎥 Bonus Video: Being Observed
I tried filming this video on the beach — thinking it would be more scenic and beautiful. Being near water is often calming and centering for me, but this time it brought unexpected stress.
See why in the behind-the-scenes clip below:
👉 Watch the Bonus Video on Substack →
What’s Next
I don’t want to get stuck only talking about my layoff, so I’m slowly moving away from the series — but grief, burnout, and recovery will always be part of the conversation.
My next video dives into how to talk about queer and neurodivergent identity in job interviews in 2025, and how to build or join inclusive ERGs (Employee Resource Groups).
Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss it.
💬 Reflect With Me
If you’ve gone through a layoff, how did you process the transition?
Did you give yourself time to grieve, or did you rush to the next thing?