When I first became a manager more than a decade ago, I had no idea I was autistic or had ADHD. I just knew I was good at ideas, at spotting patterns, and at asking hard questions. Those strengths helped me stand out. But the shift from contributor to manager hit me with a different kind of anxiety and imposter syndrome I wasn’t prepared for.
As a new boss, people treated me differently. Suddenly, the gossip and candid conversations dried up. At the same time, others expected me to wave a magic wand and solve all their problems. It was overwhelming. I felt pulled in two directions—wanting to know everything while also knowing I couldn’t (and shouldn’t) be doing it all.
Soon I was wrestling with: what is expected of me now?
I had to learn that being a manager wasn’t about having all the answers. It was about setting a vision, communicating it, and letting my team shine. It was about asking questions, not rushing into decisions. And most of all, it was about finding a mentor who could guide me through the messy middle of leadership.
One of my biggest lessons was letting go of micromanaging. Fear of missing out made me want to control everything, but all it did was get in my team’s way. The real growth came when I trusted others to do the job their way, not mine.
Over time, I realized that my anxiety often came from not knowing what was expected of me. Once I started asking questions—sometimes even scripting them out—I felt less like an imposter. Knowledge became my antidote to anxiety.
If you’re a neurodivergent professional stepping into leadership, know this: you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to know everything. What you do need is curiosity, trust, and a willingness to keep learning.
Transcript:
Overcoming Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome as an Autistic Boss
How did I overcome my professional anxiety and imposter syndrome as an autistic boss?
Hi, I’m Brett. I’m an autistic boss with ADHD and on this channel we talk about ADHD and autism in the workplace. I have over 10 years of leadership training and experience. Becoming a new manager for me was a weird transition.
Being autistic, transitions are always kind of difficult for me. I didn’t know I was autistic at the time that I became a manager, which was about 12 or 13 years ago. A lot of what I’m thinking about on this side of my late diagnosis is helping me sort of process and understand what it meant to be an autistic manager with ADHD—an AuDHD boss.
One of the hardest parts about transitioning was that, before I was a manager, I was sort of free to speak more candidly. I was known as the “ideas person.” I have ADHD—I didn’t know that at the time either. I’ve always been able to sit down, look at any problem, and crank out ideas.
Executing those ideas can be really hard because of my ADHD, but autism helped me move forward in those spaces. Looking back, I realize that I was able to use both: the autistic part of me gave me pattern recognition and critical thinking, and the ADHD part gave me creative solutions and lots of ideas. Those traits helped me get noticed on a management level.
I didn’t really ask permission to do this. I just spoke up. I was respectful, but I offered up ideas and solutions without waiting to be asked. Sometimes I was diplomatic, sometimes more blunt.
Another reason I pushed toward being a manager was that I wanted to make creative decisions. I wanted to have freedom in those choices. That’s how I ended up stepping into leadership.
The New Manager “Sweet Spot”
Once I became a manager, things shifted. People communicated with me differently.
Before, people came to me with gossip or problems, and I could jump in with solutions. As a new manager, there’s this strange “sweet spot”—kind of like Super Mario with a star—where you can do anything you want because you’re new. Everyone brings you everything, expecting you to fix it all.
But that doesn’t last. Some people stop sharing with you because they don’t want a manager knowing their gossip. Others expect you to solve problems that aren’t really yours to solve. That’s where the anxiety started for me.
I felt responsible to the people who promoted me, to the people on my team, and I worried: what have I gotten myself into? What’s expected of me now?
Anxiety and Expectations
I struggled with the transition from being hands-on and technical to being a manager who also had to let others shine. I had to learn how to set a vision, communicate it, and then step back so my team could figure out how to get us there.
Another big lesson was that I didn’t need all the answers. It was okay for others to inform the vision. That kind of collaboration helped reduce my anxiety—especially when ideas started clicking between people.
People management was also a challenge. About a year and a half in, I found an amazing mentor who helped me navigate defensiveness, imposter syndrome, and rigid rules I thought I had to follow. They taught me to slow down, ask more questions, and gather more context before making decisions. That mentorship was key to reducing my anxiety.
Fear of Missing Out as a Boss
One of my biggest struggles was FOMO as a manager. I micromanaged too much.
I had promoted someone brilliant into a role I once held, but I still wanted to know everything they were doing. Not knowing made me anxious, especially in senior leadership meetings where I felt I had to have every detail at my fingertips.
Over time, I had to learn to gradually release control and trust them to do things their own way. That was hard, but necessary.
Responsibility as a Manager
Being a boss meant carrying responsibility for my team. I felt the weight of representing them, advocating for them, and making sure they got what they needed to succeed.
At the same time, I had to represent them well to senior leadership. And part of that meant holding information I couldn’t always share. That was another source of anxiety—worrying that I might slip and say something too soon.
Masking and Professional Anxiety
I also found myself masking more as a manager. I scripted conversations and worried too much about how I was perceived. Early on, that made the anxiety worse.
But the longer I spent in the role, the more I learned what was expected of me, and the more comfortable I became.
Knowledge as the Antidote
The biggest solution for my professional anxiety was knowledge.
I wanted to learn as much as I could—not necessarily to do everything myself, but so I could understand how all the systems and workflows connected. That understanding reduced my imposter syndrome and gave me confidence.
Asking questions became my best tool. The more I understood, the less anxious I felt.
Final Reflections
Being an autistic boss with ADHD hasn’t always been easy. But over time I’ve learned this:
- You don’t need all the answers.
- It’s okay to ask questions and stay curious.
- Trust your team and let them shine.
- Find mentors to guide you.
Professional anxiety and imposter syndrome are real. But they don’t define you. With curiosity, learning, and trust, you can thrive as a boss and as a neurodivergent professional.
✨ Thanks for reading! For more insights on autism, ADHD, leadership, and thriving in the workplace, visit audhdboss.com or join my newsletter at brettwhitmarsh.substack.com.