What was that moment you thought… oh… I think I have ADHD?
For me, it was during the pandemic—when the content from Catieosaurus (Cate Osborn) and Hey Gude (Erik Gude)started feeling a little too familiar to my day-to-day life. And then, fast forward: I got my formal diagnoses of ADHD and autism, and I went looking for resources that actually felt like they were made for late-diagnosed adults… and for an ADHD brain.
That’s why I was so excited to sit down with Cate and Erik to talk about their new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults—because their entire approach is basically the opposite of “have you considered getting a planner?”
They built the book from the questions people actually ask
One of my favorite parts of this conversation was hearing how the book came to be. Cate shared that they kept seeing the same “really juicy questions” show up again and again in their comments—questions grounded in conversations that weren’t happening—so they started there.
And that framing matters, because adult ADHD isn’t just “tips and tricks.” It’s:
- “Why is this so hard?”
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “Is this an explanation… or am I making excuses?”
- “Why do systems work for two weeks and then disappear?”
Which brings me to the piece that hit me hardest.
Accommodations aren’t “extra.” They’re how we do the thing.
Cate and Erik talked openly about needing accessibility supports while writing the book—specifically working with a collaborative writer who helped create structure, checkpoints, and accountability.
And I loved Erik’s point: that support let them focus on answering the questions (the part their brains could do) instead of getting crushed by the “big picture organization” piece.
This felt like such a clean, real-life example of what accommodations can do.
“It’s not your fault when it snows… but you still have to shovel your drive.”
There’s a moment in our conversation where we get into what a lot of adults are navigating right now: the tension between self-compassion and accountability.
Erik described the pendulum swing in the ADHD conversation—first toward acceptance (you’re not broken), and then sometimes toward suspicion (you’re trying to avoid accountability).
And then he landed on an analogy I’m still thinking about:
“It’s not your fault when it snows, but you still have to shovel your drive.”
That’s the line. That’s the balance.
ADHD and intimacy: “Where is the wanting?”
Yes—we talked about the parts of adult ADHD that often don’t make it into mainstream conversations.
Cate immediately called out the sex chapter as something they were passionate about including. And Erik added that they also wanted space for conversations that are “staggeringly absent,” including more BIPOC and non-cis representation, plus a vulnerable discussion of how ADHD can impact men’s libido and sexual experiences.
Then Cate offered a framework I genuinely think is helpful (and it’s not finger-waggy, it’s just clarifying):
- There are different kinds of intimacy outside of sex.
- Start by naming where the wanting is: emotional connection, physical touch, intimate moments, sex itself—because those aren’t the same need.
- Once you know what’s missing, you can get more purposeful (and more gentle) about what to try next.
And she said something that made me laugh because it’s so painfully true:
If you boil down most of her work, it’s basically: “Have you considered having a conversation about it?”
Myths, misinformation, and why shame makes us vulnerable to bad info
We also talked about misinformation—because if you’re living with ADHD and you’ve spent years feeling “broken,” it makes sense that you’d reach for answers wherever you can find them.
Cate shared that when they wrote those sections, they didn’t want readers to feel foolish for believing incorrect information—because we can’t control what information we’ve been exposed to, and many people are actively seeking explanations.
That landed for me. Shame makes people vulnerable—not stupid.
Why ADHD can feel harder as we get older (and why menopause matters)
I asked why ADHD can feel like it gets harder with age, and Erik described something simple but real: adult life is more developed—more responsibilities, bills, emails, people, logistics. There’s just more.
Cate added something I’m grateful they included in the book: the lack of research and conversation about ADHD and menopause, and how hormonal changes can significantly impact ADHD experiences.
And personally? When I saw that addressed, I had that “thank god someone’s talking about it” feeling.
Systems that survive real life (feat. “the pants hook”)
One of the most AuDHD-friendly parts of this interview was hearing Erik talk about systems not as “life hacks,” but as a method.
He pointed out that lists of techniques can be useful—but only if you know what problem you’re solving. So instead, they zoom out and define a system as basically anything that makes your life easier—even small stuff—because it all counts.
Then he told the “pants hook” story: trying to fold pants didn’t work, so he iterated, iterated, iterated… until he landed on a hook over the door, because that matched his actual behavior.
That’s the takeaway I want to keep: your “default behavior” is often not far off from a system that will work—you just might need one small environmental tweak.
Closing thought I’m keeping from this conversation
Erik ended with a reminder I think a lot of us need:
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. This takes time.
Which feels like the exact energy this book is built around.
Links + next steps
- Order The ADHD Field Guide for Adults:
- Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus):
- Erik Gude (Hey Gude):