Most of the time, I’ve focused on what it’s like to be an employee with ADHD or autism — how to navigate disclosure, how to manage executive function struggles, and how to communicate effectively with colleagues.
But today, I want to shift gears. This is for managers. Specifically: what should you say — and what should you not say — when an employee shares that they have ADHD or autism?
Why This Conversation Matters
ADHD and autism are protected under the ADA in the U.S. Employees are never required to disclose. So when they do, it usually means they’re looking for understanding, support, or accommodations.
It takes courage to share something so personal. For many people, it’s one of the scariest conversations they’ll ever have at work. As managers, we have the power to either make that moment supportive — or unintentionally harmful.
First Steps for Managers
When an employee tells you they have ADHD or autism:
- Pause and thank them — acknowledge the courage it took to share.
- Center the individual — don’t assume their experience is like anyone else’s.
- Ask what they need — simple questions like “How can I support you?” open the door to trust.
Remember: ADHD and autism show up differently in everyone. You may have worked with someone else who’s neurodivergent, but that doesn’t mean you understand the person in front of you. Curiosity is key.
What Not to Say
Certain responses are not just unhelpful — they can be damaging. Here are examples that come up far too often:
- ❌ “Are you sure?” or “Prove it.”
- ❌ “It’s not real” or “You’re just lazy.”
- ❌ “Everyone’s a little ADHD.”
- ❌ “Try harder” or “Just make a to-do list.”
- ❌ “You don’t look autistic.”
- ❌ “You’re too smart to have ADHD/autism.”
These phrases dismiss real experiences and shut down trust. Many of us already beat ourselves up trying harder. By the time an employee comes to you, they’ve probably already exhausted strategies and are asking for help as a last resort.
Why Accommodations Matter
Accommodations are not excuses. They’re tools that help employees thrive. And here’s the truth: when we make accommodations for one person, the whole workplace often benefits.
Examples might include flexible scheduling, noise-canceling headphones, or clearer project timelines. Small changes can make a huge difference in both performance and morale.
A Phrase I Use Often
I often ask: “How can I be here for you in this moment?”
It’s a simple but powerful phrase. Sometimes the employee just wants you to know. Sometimes they’re asking for adjustments. Sometimes they’re still figuring it out. But it opens a supportive, ongoing dialogue.
Final Thoughts
The key takeaway is this: We are not a monolith. Every autistic and ADHD employee has unique strengths and challenges. What matters most is that you pause, listen, and respond with curiosity instead of judgment.
When we do this as managers, we don’t just support one employee. We create healthier, stronger workplaces for everyone.